Song: Bathtub by The Front Bottoms.

Characters: Garvin, Moyra, and Fintan. (‘Catholic Guilt’ group -Also known as Lysander, Helge, Vigge, & Letif- and Max O’Rielly mentioned.)

Context: Just Garvin dealing with the consequences of good old trauma. Basically.

TWs: Mentions of sexual trauma, implied sexual abuse.

*~*~*~*

*Starting off strong, Garvin during the time he spent with the sketchy gang/mafia quickly started to take advantage of having free access to showers that he was also allowed to take. Unlike past people he stayed with, where if he wanted to shower, he’d have to find a way to do so behind their backs and hope he wasn’t caught. There’s a reason why someone walking in the bathroom while he’s in there will cause severe panicking, flashbacks, and dissociation. And more reasons than just his numerous near death experiences with drowning that he always mildly dissociates while showering. Anyways. Unfortunately for Garvin while he’s in the sketchy gang/mafia, him showering is mostly just him having to deal with trauma.*

Garvin, bruised and sore, trying to focus on showering, trying to ignore the discoloring of the water, trying to ignore the way his skin is crawling, and not really succeeding at all; “I am washing my hair with soap... I am sitting down in the shower... It is this dirty type of clean, that keeps me trapped in here for hours...Still I scrub and scrub ‘til my body bleeds... Convince myself ‘I am coming clean...’”

Garvin, basically trying to gaslight himself into thinking that this is what he wanted, that it’s better than what he had been dealing with before; “Forget and ignore who I used to be, that kid is never coming back.”

Garvin, still trying to force himself to just shower, to relax and focus; “Relax my muscles..”

Garvin, turns out forcing your body to relax is a terrible idea and now the feeling of his skin crawling is more like hands; “And all of a sudden, I am scared.”

Garvin, quickly spiraling into panic, dissociation, and flashbacks; “All of a sudden, I can’t breathe.. All of a sudden, I am nothing... In this moment, you are everything...”

*So, uh, yeah. Not really a skip in time at all. Just wanted to explain that instead of figuring out how to format it, I’m just putting context here to say that the next two lines are more or less in a flashback. Some context for the flashback I guess though is uh, no surprise here, Garvin got in trouble a lot at the orphanage. The rules were pretty much impossible for him to follow, even with him trying his best.*

Awstin, on top of him while he’s tied down to a bloodstained bed; “Can you feel that? Oh, what a marvelous sensation.”

Moyra, heard from the other side of a door, presumably on the phone; “Could you please take me off speakerphone? This is a private conversation.”

*Okay, now back to the not flashback stuff that I do understand formatting of, haha...*

Garvin, slipping into heavier dissociation; “And I am washing my hair with soap. Yes, I am washing my hair with soap.. Yes, I am washing my hair with soap... Yes, I am washing my hair with soap... With soap...”

*And now we shift the timeline! So this is more so during BB. Garvin is going back and forth between the Johnson’s household and the sketchy gang/mafia. Aka, sneaking out of the Johnson household regularly to meet up with the sketchy gang/mafia. Or just not showing up at the house until hours after he was supposed to. Also, Garvin gets into a lot of trouble at school, which leads to Max O’Rielly having to drive him from the school to the Johnson’s rather often.*

Garvin, in reference to the ‘Catholic Guilt’ group that have kind of become his friends; “But there is air inside of my lungs and it is keeping me afloat..”

Garvin, in reference to Max O’Rielly and a conversation they had once while O’Rielly had to take him back to the Johnson’s because he got in a fight; “He says his grandpa’s in the mafia.. He is the nicest guy I know...”

Garvin, while hanging out with the ‘Catholic Guilt’ group that’s become his friends, but also kind of referencing the sketchy gang/mafia; “So I will run and run, maybe drive a car- Buddy, look at me now, I have come so far! And I don’t know where my family’s from... But I’ve got this stereotypical temper I cannot shake.”

Garvin, still hanging out with the ‘Catholic Guilt’ group, almost feeling okay for once; “Relax the muscles in my face...”

Garvin, things crash down for no reason sometimes, maybe it’s something someone said, maybe something someone did, maybe it really is just for no reason but; “And all of a sudden, I am scared—”

Garvin, just as it says, he’s suddenly spiraling into a panic, dissociation, and memories; “All of a sudden, I can’t breathe— All of a sudden, I am nothing, in this moment, you are everything—”

*Ahh, again, formatting the flashback like this, haha. So no real switch in the timeline. This time it’s two separate events too.*

Fintan, holding him down, breathing against his neck; “Can you feel that? Oh, what a marvelous sensation.”

Fintan, having called his burner phone; “Could you please take me off speakerphone? This is a private conversation.”

*And that ends the flashback format, yay! And slight shift in timeline because Garvin basically immediately rushes to scrub away the feelings, or hide away so no one actually sees him dealing with the panic and flashbacks and whatnot.*

Garvin, slipping into heavy dissociation as soon as he’s in the bathroom and shower; “And I am washing my hair with soap. Yes, I am washing my hair with soap.. Yes, I am washing my hair with soap... Yes, I am washing my hair with soap... With soap...”