Okay- I know this is a lot to read- but I'm planning on entering a first chapter competition thingy that has a max of five pages
I'm gonna set a space where the fifth page would end, and I need you guys to tell me if its interesting enough up till then-
And any other critiques like info-dumping, too wordy and other things-
Chapter One
The night was cold. The moon was full and bright, casting a silvery light on the land below. The trees were tall and towering and cast in shadow. They were clawing at the sky with their bare branches, grasping for the last bit of light from the moon as a heavy cloud drifted across.
The land went from silver to black.
Everything was silent, save for the soft wind as it passed through the trees’ empty branches, making a deathly crackle… almost like that of snapping bones.
A powerful gust of wind blew through the forest, sending the trees into chaos as they battered their branches against each other. The wind’s hollow wailing only added to her hammering heart.
Slowly the moon returned, yet there were no more trees. The forest was gone. They were replaced with rippling waves crashing into a cliff of death below; the waters were silvery and bright, reflecting the moon’s light. The cliff and the stone teeth breaking the water were dark as pitch. Rifts in the soft silver waves.
She looked up at the moon and jumped.
Jaro’s eyes snapped open and a shiver ran down her spine.
The dream had been haunting her for years; sometimes there wasn’t a moon, sometimes it was complete darkness, just sounds; other times it was in the middle of the day, but it always started with her in a forest and ended with her falling into the ocean. No matter how many times she dreamed it, it always unsettled her.
She swallowed and stared at the ceiling.
Tomorrow she was to join her father and brothers for a family ceremony, one that only allowed the blood of the Kletchar to be a part of.
Kletchar was the first god, the father of the north. It was said that the Kletchar families were descendants of him, that the god had gifted three mortal women with sons who would inherit his power. They turned into the Kletchar’Crah, Kletchar’Rek, and Kletchar’Tsen families,
gifted by the celestial wife of Kletchar, Altaya, to only have sons for the rest of time.
Jaro was the first daughter born into the Kletchar’Tsen family.
Jaro was the first daughter born to any of the Kletchar families.
Her father said it was the gods' gift, to allow him to have the first daughter born in Kletchar’s line, said it was an honor that he could have a strong and powerful daughter like the goddess Altaya. Her brothers didn’t agree.
At least two of them didn’t. Asgar was the second oldest, twenty years old, and along with Kilian, who was eighteen, both were nightmares. They’d spent a lot of time with their uncle, Janick, when they were younger. Their uncle wasn’t very fond of women, at least not the women who acted like they were equals to men. He especially didn’t like Jaro; when she was born, he’d stormed out of the village. The first time they saw him again was two years later.
Kilian and Asgar were nicer than her uncle, and she got along with them most of the time, but they didn’t agree with their father. They said that she was a curse and that the Kletchar’Tsen family had angered the gods and were thus cursed to only have daughters from now on. Though it was nonsense, it still got to her. But what could her family have done to anger the gods?
Her brother’s snore pulled her out of her thoughts and she looked over.
Lysias and Jaro were twins, and he looked almost identical to her. They both had the green eyes and chocolate brown hair of their mother, and a light spotting of freckles from their father. When they were younger, they liked to pretend to be the other twin to mess with people in the village, even their voices had been the same then. Now Lysias was taller and his hair was always cut short, unlike hers, which easily went past her shoulder blades, and that’s when it was still dry and wavy.
Sighing she turned over and looked out the window.
It was mid-spring, the grass was fresh and green, colorful flowers were blooming everywhere, and even some fruit trees were blossoming. The sun was just rising, making the rivers behind her village almost glow in the warm light; though the land was bright and green, it was still bitter cold. Even the summer was cold aside from the rare sunny day.
Remnants of the snow from two days past were still piled up beneath large trees and shaded areas, though they already seemed to be melting in the morning sun.
“Jaro, Lysias, it’s time for breakfast” Her mother’s call pulled Jaro out of her thoughts and she heard tired moan from her brother, who rolled over buried his face in the pillow.
Their room wasn’t small, but it felt bigger than it was thanks to the open ceiling. They split the room, she got the side with the window, and he got the side closest to the door. Kilian was in the room to their left, Asgar to the right. Their parents and oldest brother lived on the lower floor.
“Up!” her mother stormed into the room and tore off Lysias’s blanket before rushing to her bed and doing the same.
The cold crisp air hit her like a wave and she curled up, shivering, “Trexah, honestly. It’s not that cold.” Her mother sighed, snug in her dress and furs.
“I want you both dressed and down in five minutes” and with that their mother was out of their room.
She and Lysias took after their mother when it came to appearance, softer round faces, hair and eye color, the rounder noses. Only things they got from their father were his freckles and height; though Jaro wasn’t that much taller than her mother.
After rubbing her arms for a little warmth she pushed herself out of bed and quickly put on her clothes.
Unlike her mother, who almost always wore dresses, Jaro was much more comfortable in a tunic. She usually wore clothes that had simple colors, and today was no exception. The tunic was an older one, and so the gray color was faded, but it was comfortable, as were the socks and dark brown leggings. She would put more on when she went outside, a fur cloak, boots, gloves; but for now, socks, leggings, and a tunic were enough; her mother almost always had a fire going, as she was always cooking or baking something, so she wouldn’t be too cold.
When she stepped off the stairs and entered the hall everyone was already sitting at the table. The fire was crackling in the hearth just as she’d expected.
Kilian and Asgar gave her friendly nods when she sat down. They both took after their father, tall and muscular with thick red hair, strong jaws, light golden-brown eyes, and, of course, freckles.
Her father and mother gave her warm smiles, and Valek stole another piece of cheese while everyone was greeting her.
Valek was twenty-three, seven years older than Jaro and their fathers heir. The village they lived in now would be his to protect when their father died, whether Jaro and her siblings stayed, left to a different village, or created their own, it did not matter. The role of a Kletchar, the role of every leading family in the four clans if she was being exact, was to protect and lead. For their protection the people that lived in their village paid a tax of food, cloth or copper Talluns; a tradition the southerners brought with them, but a helpful tradition nonetheless. Her father was very relaxed with his village, if the people could not pay, they could not pay.
“Did you sleep well?” Valek asked, stuffing the cheese in his mouth.
Unlike her and her other siblings, Valek was a perfect mix of both parents; freckles, dark red, almost brown hair, eyes with both green and gold flecks, and slim like their mother, but still tall and muscular like their father. Girls had been fawning over him since she was five, some merchants from the south even said he could be mistaken for a southern prince. But princes didn’t exist in the north, kingdoms didn’t exist either, just clans and villages.
All three Kletchar families belonged to the Kletchar Clan, the most powerful clan the north. The Nestvek clan was larger, but not as powerful as her own. The Kastan clan had even less men, but protected more villages than the Nestveks. The Halerak clan held most of the land in the northernmost part of the north, but had a small family and few villages.
The only reason the Kletchar’s were such a powerful clan was because of the blood they shared with Kletchar; though many believe the blood to have finally thinned out, as the last Melkrix had died three hundred years ago. Jaro wondered if there could be truth to that. The gods had gifted the Kletchars to only have sons, and here she was.
Page five ends here.
Below is the rest of the chapter.
A daughter.
Tomorrow all the Kletchar families would know about her.
Her father said they would accept her, though she doubted that. Thanks to the southerners, her uncle wasn’t the only man who had something against women.
“Yeah, I slept as well as anyone who shares a room with a snoring giant” Lysias, who just sat down, feigned hurt, placing his hand over his heart.
“I don’t snore!”
“You do! Lysias you snore so loud I can hear you” Kilian teased.
“I do not!”
“I have to agree with Jaro, Sias, you do snore” Asgar joined in.
“Stop teasing your brother!” their mother said sternly, giving them all a glare before turning to her daughter, “Jaro, I want you and Valek to buy some things for me, I have a list by the door with a few Talluns.”
“Can’t Kilian or Asgar do it?” she grabbed the last piece of bread and cheese before Valek could steal it.
“Gathering supplies is for girls, why would Masta send us? We’re men” Asgar crossed his arms.
“You two are barely boys. Your Masta has some need of your help in the kitchen. The Kletchar families decided it was time we hosted the feast again” her father had been making excuses for the last sixteen years to keep the other families from their village, so they wouldn’t find out he had a daughter; though now that she and Lysias were sixteen they had to participate in the ceremony. There was no more hiding her existence.
“But- that’s unfair! I’ve never cooked a thing in my life! Jaro would be much better than us!”
“Then it’s time you learned. Jaro has a good eye for ingredients. Last time I sent you two I got half-rotted fruits. You will both help with the baking and cooking. Unless you want to starve tomorrow” there was no arguing with their mother, even Uncle Janick did as their mother said.
“What about Lysias?”
“You’re little Abra will be training with me, we need to build up his strength” when they were seven, Lysias had started coughing and wheezing whenever their father was training them to fight, sometimes he said he couldn’t breathe; they’d taken him to healers all over the north and all they could do was give him soothing herbs. Last year Lysias had started feeling better, and now his coughing was completely gone, which meant he trained daily with their father for hours to catch up; he looked stronger and healthier now, but he was still more skin and bone than anything else.
“Well, I’m done eating. I’ll meet you outside in a few minutes?” Valek’s plate was far from empty. The bread crumbs on it looked like they could make a whole new loaf.
“Sure, if I can eat that fast” he gave her a sly smile before getting up and walking to his room.
Ten minutes later Jaro was dressed in warm furs and walking through of the heavy oak doors that opened up to a small yet beautiful village.
Their house was the largest building in the village, two levels with a window in each room and a large basement. almost half of the house was made of stone, to keep it warm during the winter, though they had a few wood walls and floors.
The other houses in the village were largely made of stone, and unless the house was built to have work accommodations for the family that lived in it, they were usually quite small and rarely had a second level.
“You think we’ll find what Masta is looking for?”
“Can’t be too hard, it's early enough, the farmers should still have everything. Masta wouldn’t make us look for summer produce if that’s what you’re asking; she knows it’s still spring.”
“Are you nervous?”
“What? About gathering vegetables?”
“No, about the ceremony tomorrow… You’ll be the only girl surrounded by at least a hundred men, most of which probably have similar opinions to Otraf Janick.”
“Let them have their opinions. Doesn’t change that I have just as much Kletchar blood as them. The celebration doesn’t say it’s for men only” Valek chuckled, “well, you’re much braver than me. Almost pissed myself the first time father brought me; the Kletchar’Crah’s are a scary bunch- like father, but a foot or so taller, beards thick as bear pelts and muscles like a bull’s” their father was the largest man in the village beside the blacksmith, it was hard to imagine someone taller than either of them.
“And the Kletchar’Reks?”
“Short but ferocious, they make up over half of the men at the ceremonies most of the time… if the Crahs are like bears, the Reks are badgers; we’re the wolves… not as sturdy as a Rek man, nor as bulky as a Crah, but right in the middle and just as dangerous… when we work together.”
The Kletchar’Tsen family was the smallest of the three, their grandfather had been an only child and only had Racknare, their father, and Uncle Janick; Janick himself had two sons and both were younger than her. The rest of the Kletchar’Tsen family was too distant to truly belong, though many men made claims to be direct descendants.
“The southerners are here early” Valek murmured as they passed a man with strange dark skin and colorful clothing that looked just a little too thin for the current weather. He was probably part of the eastern lands in the south; he was setting up his shop, and appeared to be selling bright jewels and beads.
“Valek, you could get Brenna one of those necklaces! I’m sure she’d like them” immediately her brother blushed at the mention of the girl's name.
In the north betrothals didn’t exist, some didn’t even bother to marry, but Valek and Brenna had been spending almost every day together for the last two years, she had a feeling that it would only be a matter of time before they married.
Brenna was sweet. Small, smaller than her mother, but always kind, at least from the few times Jaro had spoken to her.
“She doesn’t like jewels or bright colors. But I should get her a gift… maybe we’ll go hunting after the ceremony…”
They continued walking in silence, enjoying the crisp cool air of the morning, watching the people get ready for the day; the farmers were setting up their wagons to sell their produce, the blacksmith opening up his smithy, and the town butcher was selling fresh pork. Jaro and Valek glanced at what the farmers were selling, put nothing seemed to be fresh enough, and they both knew, when their mother asked for fresh, she meant barely out of the ground.
It was strange that there were so many southern merchants here though. She spotted multiple men, and even a few women with the darker eastern skin, and guessed the others selling their wares that she didn’t recognize were also southern. Usually they only came in the summer.
She glared at them suspiciously before walking on.
Yesterday there weren’t any southerners here, and now she counted ten different carts.
Jaro’s eyes locked onto a stranger wearing a heavy brown cloak that was covering his face. The person was acting strangely… looking around as if he were being followed, a hand always on the hood of his cloak.
“Jaro, are you coming?”
“Yeah, I’ll be right there, just going check something out” her eyes narrowed as the man took one last look around, and slinked between two houses. Definitely strange.
She carefully ran after him, being sure not to attract any attention as she jogged between the houses, which just opened up to the one other road her village had.
The cloaked man was easy enough to find, even some villagers were giving him strange looks.
Jaro followed him slowly, mingling with the villagers and smiling, making it look like she was just out for a walk; but she never let the man out of her sight. At one point a strong wind flew through the village, making his cloak billow before he tightened his grip, but not before she saw a glint of steel. Sword? Daggers? Armor? She hadn’t had time to see properly.
She followed him along the road, passing even more southern traders. She thought about returning to Valek, but this stranger was too intriguing. What was he doing here? He wasn’t a trader, and she knew almost every person in her village if not by name then by appearance.
After one last look around, the man finally stopped. He was behind a small house, the forest edge only feet away.
The man whistled a single shrill tone and seconds later five men came out from the shade of the forest. All had a distinct southern look, their clothes were too fine, the fur on their cloaks too soft and their boots didn’t even have fur. They didn’t look like merchants, but what else could they be doing here?
“Were you followed?” she pulled her head back, deciding it was best to just listen.
“No; I’ve never seen such a small village, it was almost impossible to wander without leaving, but I wasn’t followed.”
“And did he give you the information?” she looked over just as the cloaked man handed the tallest of the southerners a piece of paper.
“I also have some more information that might interest the captain… something we don’t want outsiders to hear.”
“What is it?”
“Sir… if I could speak to the captain myself? I know I wasn’t followed, but you can’t be too safe.”
“Fine, follow us” Jaro leaned over to see where they were going, but before she could catch anything she was pulled back and a hand clamped over her mouth.
She bit the persons hand before she even thought about it and broke out of their grip.
Jaro had expected Valek or one of her other brothers, but the face that she was met with didn’t look anything like the men in her family.
The man’s hair was a dirty blonde that hung in loose curls around his ears, his cheeks were hollow and his jaw defined, though the most obvious part of his face was a scar; it cut across his face, from the right side of his forehead to the middle of his left cheek, nearly missing his brown eyes, though his nose had definitely been broken when he’d gotten the scar,
“I knew you northerners were dumb, but I didn’t realize how dumb” the young man muttered, releasing her and shaking out the hand she’d bitten.
“I’d watch your tongue, Southerner” the easiest way to tell a southerner from a northerner was the accent. Southerners liked to speak clearly, pronounce every word as if they were above the people they spoke to, it differed, especially with the commoners, as they spoke a more muffled version, but still different from the northern speech.
Long before Jaro was born, during the time of the last Melkrix, the southern kingdoms had attacked the north, they held it for a few generations too, forcing her people to speak the southern tongue and forget the northern one, but the Kletchar families never forgot their heritage, never forgot the tongue of their forefathers. For years they planned to take back the north, in the end, they succeeded, but not before the northern tongue was forgotten to all but a few families.
The northerners spoke with sharper, more guttural sounds, though to her ears the northern accent flowed more, and some old words did stay, such as Masta for mother and Abra for brother.
“What? Or you’ll skin me alive? I just saved your life girl.”
“I’m no girl. They didn’t see me, and even if they did, they wouldn’t dare hurt a Trexah of Kletchar, a Trexah of Racknare Kletchar’Tsen” she glared at the man and crossed her arms; he was standing in her way.
“They don’t care who’s Trexah you are, they’re southern knights, they think the north has no rules and is filled with animals in human skin” her eyes narrowed at how well the southerner pronounced the word, and at how he mocked it.
“Knights aren’t allowed in the north. We allow the merchants, but not the armored cowards.”
“I just said they don’t care about your rules!”
She decided to not reply and looked behind the house again, in hopes of seeing where they went. If they were knights, then she wanted to follow them and figure out what they were doing here. Especially after their conversation. But, of course, they were no-where to be seen.
She turned around, “If you hadn’t stopped me, I could have followed them and figured out why they’re here. Thanks a lot, Southerner” and with that she walked away from the man, ignoring whatever he shouted after her.
Fall 
Day Weather: 
