Hello. I was wondering if my bio seems... repetitive? This is because it seems so to me and I was wondering if anyone else thinks so.

freedom@

sksks thank you. i'm glad you liked most of them :)

i will say that with dakota, she was the first proper form i did here on wp and needs a slight revamp, same with selene :") her lone wolf qualities were made for an apocalyptic setting, considering that's what she was made for and is canonically immune to the virus that plagued the earth.

and the rest of your criticism - i cannot thank you enough. chris is definitely one of my more favorite characters and i'm happy to say i'm finally getting a chance to use him, alongside marilyn. selene and dakota still have yet to be used, though specifically made for certain rps that never started, i never got a chance to use them :") upsetting, but it also does give me time to expand and revamp them if i really wanted to.

i like that you went ahead and picked up a few things that are scattered about in my characters :) ironically, those traits do apply to me, aside from prominent freckles, so i guess it might be me portraying myself into some of my character's attributes lmao.

anyways, thank you again! i greatly appreciate the feedback provided~

Alright, I did your featured post and one of your characters. I need to rest my brains now before I continue.

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~Ten paragraphs down, second sentence has a typo; 'what wast his?' The second to fourth sentences in the same tenth paragraph is, again, kind of choppy. Maybe try 'Chris replied, only to be confused by how awkward he'd been feeling. What was going on? Life wasn't some cheesy rom-com.'

~The perspective shift in the seventeenth paragraph is kind of jarring. How about you make it seem like the impression Chris is getting from her body language rather than her actual thoughts?

~In the twenty-fourth paragraph, change the second paragraph to read either 'A house considerably smaller than his own' or 'A rather small house'. The last sentence also feels really forced. Try something like 'Ryan's simplicity was honestly astounding. Chris knew he wouldn't have been able to live like Ryan does. He likes his (insert enjoyed material goods here) too much to live like a monk.'

~Paragraph twenty-nine's basic description of Chris is too direct. Yeah, Ryan's trying to point out why girls might be interested in Chris, but it's really stilted. Maybe something more like "Of course it's gonna end up in a relationship! You're friendly, way too helpful, and," Ryan rakes his eyes over Chris's body in an obvious pantomime of appreciation, "buff as all hell, soldier-boy. Plus, a couple years in the Marines isn't exactly hurting."

~Thirty-five has a similar problem. You're stating background way to bluntly. Switch 'secluded' in the first paragrpah with reserved', and change the second sentence to something more like 'It wasn't her fault he was so private, just because he didn't spill his life story didn't mean that Chris didn't trust her.'

~Thirty-six has the same issue as paragraph seventeen. The POV shift is weird and pretty disjointed with the rest of the story. Again, make it an implication of what Melissa thinks rahter than outright stating it. It'll make the short story feel a bit more personal and tied to Chris.

~Fourty-four repeats the use of the word crumble, and it feels a little too soon to be repeating words with how few there are between this sentence and the previous use. Swap 'Chris felt himself crumble' with something like 'Chris could barely hear the cars around him as static filled his head'.

~The ending is a little cliff-hangery and unless you plan to continue it at some point, makes it feel unsatisfying. What made Melissa so mad? You don't even need to add a full explanation, just something about how 'sometimes he can still feel the knife handle' or 'Chris didn't want to black out again, not after last time'.

~Right in the Basics section, change 'mother-like' to 'motherly', it's more commonly used and flows better with the sentence.

~Under Attire, I don't think specifying her preferred sleepwear is necessary, unless that was something important in whatever story/RP she was created for?

~Very first sentence in the Personality section, change 'offering a mother nature' to either 'offering a parental nature' or 'showcasing a motherly nature' In the sentence right after that, turn 'She has a comforting way with her actions' into 'She's always comforting in her actions'. The last sentence of the first Personality paragraph should have 'through' removed.

~Second paragraph under Personality, fourth sentence. Fix up 'for herself and her firends and family' by turning it into 'for herself as well as her friends and family'. For the third sentence, swap around 'someone harmed that she cares about' into 'the people she cares about being harmed'.

~In the fourth paragraph, the fourth sentence makes he sound really callous. Switch it out to 'However, her goal isn't to help everyone she can', the way it's written right now makes it sound like she's trying to be manipulative in her good deeds.

canis@
thank you for the feedback - very appreciated. and i actually do plan on continuing what i deserve, somehow, but i'm still figuring things out for that, hence the ending. it was also sorta rushed cause i was on a time crunch while writing it, though i can assure you the next one will be better lmao

as for marilyn, i still have yet to read over her form, so i will be sure to consider all of your critical information and import it into her form at some point and where i see fit. ^^ again, thank you, and please take your time if you decide to dive into the others lol

Blegh, I can only do so much writing critiques. Speaking of which, Glacialis, kind of a bit, if that makes sense. From my less-than-in-depth run-through, you seem to use a lot of more complicated words than you really need to sometimes, and it makes the piece feel a little monotonous. Kind of like how you can't really focus on a fingerprint, because there's so much detail it all kind of blurrs together.

I was wondering if you all could view my RP Samples from my blog and give me a gauge of my literacy and some pointers for better writing.

freedom@
lmao, sometimes i find myself still struggling with it depending on how experienced i am with the character. definitely something to work on, though i will say i have improved over the duration i've been role-playing. chris is one of my favorites, as i mentioned, and he's been a liked character by many - or so i've been told. thank you again!

Uhhhh, what do y'all think of this, I guess?

ssa@

the first time i read that i cried, so like-