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Darkseeker
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This is the edited first five pages of the first chapter, which was the max I could put into the competition- the rest is all in my blog- but- ohohooohoh- the writing-
Chefs kiss on how badly it is aha- |
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Darkseeker
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It's really good! I would have put the dream in italics to stand out, but that's probably just me.
Explaining family and history can be very tedious (the reason why I skim-read Chronicles I and II in le Bible aha) but I think you handled it well. Sometimes explaining things like that in a story can make it more entertaining, I dunno.
Very good so far! :D you'll just get better and better as you keep going, so then you can come back and refine things. Have you heard of the seven-step process for writing? :0 It's taught in Australia |
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Darkseeker
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Nope- Please- Educate me in le Australian ways-
But that's my thing- I want Jaro to seem human and have family, and sure I could wait till Janick appears in the second chapter to explain the second thing- but it fits? I just don't know what is vital to the story, is interesting, and what's just boring... |
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Darkseeker
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seem human? Is she not human? xD
basically
Step 1: Plan for Success.
Step 2: Sizzling Starts. there are different kinds, yours in chapter 1 is a description of setting I think, but yeah. Start with something interesting Step 3: Tightening Tension. Step 4: Dynamic Dialogue. make it like an actual conversation to move the plot along? Step 5: Show, Don't Tell. Step 6: Ban the Boring. Step 7: Exciting Endings. Also know your ending before you start writing
I'll PM ya a link that talks about it a little more but if you have any questions just ask me, I know it pretty well. I just need to start getting ready for school, so see you ^^ |
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Darkseeker
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Lightbringer
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1., I love the writing a lot 2. I'm not sure what's hapoening |
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Darkseeker
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happponening is hhard-
Also- I don't think its normal to feel this HaPPY when talking to a person-
HappY shouldn't exist-
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Lightbringer
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yes! you should feel that happy! yeE |
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Darkseeker
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Lightbringer
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Summer 
Day Weather: 
Heavy Rain
