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 Boo
07:35:10 Chrissy
venn is always on these things. i hope they're doing well. <3
 Winter Rose
07:34:06 Rose/wints
Google won't let me access this site and I don't know why
 Magnus Bane
07:33:29 Mag/Maggy
Venn usually starts sign ups in like October i believe
 Ayii
07:33:10 
post image been broke for like the past 2 hours :C
 Forest Dwelling
07:32:20 I am on Wolflocke ok
On ImgBB. Brain keeps forgetting to put words in my sentences >.>
 Boo
07:32:18 Chrissy
acorn,
i thought it would be posted by now but i haven't seen venn much lately. hopefully it gets orchestrated.
 LeafClan
07:32:12 Leaf she/her
What secret santa?
This would be the first year I have played this so I am confused!
 Magnus Bane
07:31:40 Mag/Maggy
Venn usually does it and I haven't seen anything. So probably not. Unless someone else organizes one
 Forest Dwelling
07:31:36 I am on Wolflocke ok
Postimg breaks too much so I might have to move all my YCH stuff on there hhh
 Anatolian Shepherd
07:31:27 Zombified Breyer
One part of my brain is telling me I need another viti female but the other part is telling me that seven is enough xD
 Acornclan
07:31:16 Acorn (She/Her)
Boo
I was wondering the same thing earlier lol
 Boo
07:30:57 Chrissy
is there no secret santa this year?
 Ayii
07:30:25 
beans
 LeafClan
07:29:37 Leaf she/her
Okay sorry!
 Acornclan
07:28:59 Acorn (She/Her)
Leaf
It was the way you worded it that may have made it sound like you were ^^
 Salem
07:28:57 Coven / Wynn
Ok then
 LeafClan
07:28:00 Leaf she/her
I was not saying they were a mod salem!
 Salem
07:27:31 Coven / Wynn
I was talking to Leaf
 Magnus Bane
07:27:20 Mag/Maggy
Yea I know
 Salem
07:27:06 Coven / Wynn
Occultist isn't a mod

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What is Left of UsJanuary 5, 2021 01:06 PM


Dark Matter

Darkseeker
 
Posts: 11487
#2416563
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hehe XD
What is Left of UsJanuary 5, 2021 01:06 PM


Dark Matter

Darkseeker
 
Posts: 11487
#2416566
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>:(
What is Left of UsJanuary 5, 2021 02:41 PM


Dark Matter

Darkseeker
 
Posts: 11487
#2416732
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Yes- I mean my dad helped me with all the grammar and there shouldn't be any spelling mistakes, but we could have missed some-
and yeah- I posted it the games discussion so hopefully that's all new eyes... i could do a poll- should I do a poll?
also- if you were at a bookstore/library and you read the first five pages of this book- would you leave it or bring it back hike to read fully? I need honesty XD
What is Left of UsJanuary 5, 2021 09:15 PM


sock monkey

Lightbringer
 
Posts: 12440
#2417147
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Edited, hopefully! Just fixed up some things, I can point out the differences if you'd like. Some general edits you can decide if you want to chage: Sentence structure. Your sentences often read 'The subject helping verb/linking verb/verb some sort of prepositional phrase noun/indirect object/direct object" If you aren't familiar with those terms, what I mean is this: "(The dog) - subject (was) - linking verb (calmed) - verb, more or less (by the boy) - prepasitional phrase. Many of your sentences follow this structure, and some variation would be good. So, instead of 'The relaxed dog was calmed by the boy,' try 'Calmed by the boy, the dog relaxed', or something like that.

Another common mistake is run-on sentences, so watch that. Also, mind the parallel structure of your sentences. If you're not sure what I mean, I can try to describe in further detail.

The ending is also a little abrupt.

____

The land was blanketed by a thin haze of mist, the full moon illuminating the fog and casting the forest in an eerie light. Tall and towering, the trees cast shadows, intricate webs of darkness on the ground. The forest clawed upwards at the sky with bare branches, reaching for the last bit of moonlight as a dark cloud blew across the silver orb, sending the sky into darkness.

The land shifted from silver to black.

The forest was nearly silent, save for the soft wind as it passed through the trees’ empty branches, crackling with a sinister song. Soft groaning as the wide trunks leaned with the wind wasn’t a very welcoming sound either. The wind picked up and a powerful gust blew through the thick woods, sending the trees into chaos as they battered their branches against each other. The wind’s hollow wailing only amplified her hammering heart.

Slowly the moon returned, yet there were no more trees. The forest was gone. It was replaced with rippling waves crashing into a rocky cliff; the watery depths below were dark, aside from the rippled reflection of the moon. There was no end to the ocean, and it almost seemed to merge with the starry sky at the horizon.

She looked up at the moon as another wave slammed into the cliff. Some said they saw the faces of the gods on the moon, and others said they saw an animal. She didn’t know what she saw. Pulling her eyes away from the light, she glanced at the water again, just as the cliff vanished beneath her feet.

Jaro’s eyes snapped open and a shiver darted down her spine. The dream had been haunting her for years; sometimes there wasn’t a moon, and sometimes it was complete darkness - just sounds. Other times, it was in the middle of the day, but it always started with her in a forest and ended with her falling into the ocean. No matter how many times she dreamt it, she always found it unsettling.

Jaro swallowed and stared at the ceiling. Tomorrow she was to join her father and brothers for her first blood ceremony. It was a tradition for the kin of Kletchar, and only the kin of Kletchar, to join together on the fiftieth day of spring.

Kletchar was the first god, the father of the north. It was said the Kletchar families were descendants of him, and the god had gifted three mortal women with sons who would inherit his power. They becaome the Kletchar’Crah, Kletchar’Rek, and Kletchar’Tsen families, blessed by the celestial wife of Kletchar, Altaya, to only have sons for the rest of time.

Jaro was the first daughter born into the Kletchar’Tsen family.

Jaro was the first daughter born to any of the Kletchar families.

Her father said it was the gods' gift, to allow him to have the first daughter born in Kletchar’s line, he said it was an honor that he could have a strong and powerful daughter, like the goddess Altaya.

Two of her four brothers didn’t agree. Asgar, at twenty years - the second oldest - and Kilian, eighteen, were terrible. They’d spent a lot of time with their uncle, Janick, when they were younger. Their uncle wasn’t very fond of women, and certainly not women who acted like they were equals to men. He particularly didn’t like Jaro; when she was born, he’d stormed out of the village. The first time they saw him again was two years later.

Kilian and Asgar were nicer than her uncle, and she got along with them some of the time, but they didn’t agree with their father. They said that she was a curse and that the Kletchar’Tsen family had angered the gods and were thus cursed to only have daughters from now on. Though it was nonsense, it still got to her. What could her family have done to anger the gods?

Her brother’s snore pulled her from thoughts and she glanced over. Lysias and Jaro were twins, and Lysias looked almost identical to her. They both had the green eyes and chocolate brown hair of their mother, and a light spotting of freckles from their father. When they were younger, they liked to pretend to be the other twin to mess with people in the village, because even their voices had been the same then. Now, Lysias was taller and his hair was always cut short, unlike Jaro’s, which easily went past her shoulder blades - and that was only when it was still dry and wavy. Sighing, she turned over and gazed out the window.

Even though it was mid-spring and the grass was fresh and green with colorful flowers sprouting, there was still snow piled beneath the trees and shadows of the village houses. The north was always cold, and even the summer was chilly, save for the rare sunny day. The sun was just rising in the east, casting the rivers in golden light.

“Jaro, Lysias, it’s time for breakfast.” Her mother’s call distracted Jaro and she heard a tired moan from her brother, who rolled over and buried his face in his pillow.

Their room felt bigger than it was thanks to the open ceiling. The two split the room, and Jaro got the side with the window, while he got the side closest to the door. Kilian was in the room to their left, and Asgar to the right. Their parents and oldest brother lived on the lower floor.

“Up!” Her mother stormed into the room and tore off Lysias’s blanket before rushing to Jaro's bed and doing the same.
The cold crisp air hit her like a slap and she curled up, shivering. “Trexah, honestly. It’s not that cold.” Her mother sighed, snug in her dress and furs.

“I want you both dressed and down in five minutes.” And with that, their mother was out of the room.

She and Lysias took after their mother when it came to appearance, softer round faces, hair and eye color, the rounder noses. Only things they got from their father were his freckles and height; though Jaro wasn’t that much taller than her mother.

^ already kinda mentioned this above


After rubbing her arms for a little warmth she pushed herself out of bed and quickly put on her clothes.

Unlike her mother, who almost always wore dresses, Jaro was much more comfortable in a tunic. She usually wore clothes that had simple colors, and today was no exception. The tunic was an older one, and so the gray color was faded, but it was comfortable, as were the socks and dark brown leggings. She would put more on when she went outside, a fur cloak, boots, gloves; but what she had on was enoughm for now. Her mother almost always had a fire going, as she was always cooking or baking, so Jaro wouldn’t be too cold inside.

When she stepped off the stairs and entered the hall, everyone besides Lysias were already sitting at the table. The fire was crackling in the hearth just as she’d expected.
Kilian and Asgar gave her cold nods as she sat down. They both took after their father - tall and muscular with thick red hair, strong jaws, light golden-brown eyes, and, of course, freckles.
Her father and mother gave her matching warm smiles, and Valek stole another piece of cheese while everyone else was greeting her.
Valek was twenty-three, seven years older than Jaro, and their father’s heir. The village they lived in would be Valek’s to protect and lead when their father died. The role of a Kletchar, and the role of every leading family in the four clans was to protect and lead. The people that lived in their village paid a tax of food, cloth, copper coins, or whatever else they could part with; one of the few helpful traditions from the south. Her father was very generous with his village, and if the people could not pay, they would not pay. Some years were better than others.

“Did you sleep well?” Valek asked, stuffing more cheese in his mouth.

Unlike her and her other siblings, Valek was a perfect mix of both parents; freckles, brownish red hair, green-gold flecked eyes, a slim stature like their mother, but with a tall and muscled build like their father. Girls had been fawning over him since she could remember, and some merchants from the south even said he could be mistaken for a southern prince. But princes didn’t exist in the north, and kingdoms didn’t exist either, just clans and villages.

All three Kletchar families belonged to the Kletchar Clan, the most powerful clan in the north, and the most famous, thanks to the divine blood that ran through their veins. Then there were the Nestvek, Kastan, and Halerak clans, each known for their different skills and territories. The Nestvek’s were the fishers and sailed the icy ocean, the Kastan’s were the warriors, the Halerak’s were loners, rarely ever seen outside of clan gatherings, and the Kletchar’s were the children of the gods; though many believe the blood to have finally thinned out, as the last Melkrix had died three hundred years ago. Jaro wondered if there could be truth to that. The gods had gifted the Kletchars to only have sons, and here she was. A daughter.

Tomorrow all the Kletchar families would know about her. Her father said they would accept her, though she doubted that. Thanks to the southern influence on the north, her uncle wasn’t the only man who had something against women. She had no idea what was coming for her. Would they want to kill her? Would they kick her out of the north? Out of the clan?

What is Left of UsJanuary 5, 2021 10:32 PM


Former Pack

Neutral
 
Posts: 0
#2417204
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Posting gibberish like this is against the rules. The very first line of letters to clarify

Dark Matter said:
asdfghjkl
I did it-
The first five pages have been edited-
If its not good I will murder something-

Also- please please please don't be nice- pretend this is a completely different book/story with very different characters in a very new world-
I need to know if you want to read more of this 'new' story and if it's interesting enough- because if its a bland read imma die-



Edited at January 5, 2021 10:36 PM by Viceroy
What is Left of UsJanuary 6, 2021 04:20 AM


Dark Matter

Darkseeker
 
Posts: 11487
#2417302
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Oops sorry- habit- I'll stop using it! ^^
What is Left of UsJanuary 6, 2021 04:18 PM


Mara Moonridge

Darkseeker
 
Posts: 3858
#2418168
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Oops. Me too. >.< ^^'
What is Left of UsJanuary 6, 2021 11:26 PM


sock monkey

Lightbringer
 
Posts: 12440
#2418560
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Pst guess who's half way through the first part of the wilou animation pmv thing 👀
What is Left of UsJanuary 7, 2021 08:24 AM


Dark Matter

Darkseeker
 
Posts: 11487
#2418745
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sorry for my absence! I've been feeling a big eh the past few days and can't really get myself to even post in a discussion-
I'll try to get a post or two out soon, but I'm just not feeling WP right now- hopefully that'll change soon because I do not want this to die XD
What is Left of UsJanuary 7, 2021 08:25 AM


sock monkey

Lightbringer
 
Posts: 12440
#2418747
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nah it'll never die hehe
but I hope you feel better! Or at least a little less eh.

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