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Forums > Roleplay > Discussion
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What is Left of UsDecember 6, 2020 03:29 PM


Mara Moonridge

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Posts:3858
#2385494
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It's fine, aha. I meant if Taipan and Frosch were pitted against each other, and Frosch ran away before Tai could even attack, would it be a stalemate?
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Also, the chapter's really good. *^*
There's a few places that might need to be edited (just because there's some words missing in places), but that's about it. ^^
It's quite interesting, so points there too, aha. :D
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If you want, and when I've got more time, I can PM you the areas, so you can just search 'em (ctrl+F) and fix 'em instead of having to read through it. ^^'
What is Left of UsDecember 6, 2020 03:34 PM


Dark Matter

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Posts:11490
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Missing words aren't that terrible- (for now) but thanks for letting me know ^^

I think Tai would still win XD
What is Left of UsDecember 6, 2020 05:27 PM


Former Pack

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#2385587
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1. Ooh padda would be honored to know Tai's name but the little jerk may try to blackmail him with it in the future if the occasion arises
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2. If Frosch is backed into a corner, tai would win all the way (I'm so sorry Frosch I luv u >.<)
if he tries to run, Kämpe may just be inclined to stop him so 👀
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3. I think the chapter is really good! I only read to the five page cut off though. There's a few minor wording stuff you could clean up, but other than that, I really like it. And I also love the names you choose for all the chars *^*
What is Left of UsDecember 6, 2020 05:54 PM


Lost Memories

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What is Left of UsDecember 6, 2020 06:03 PM


Dark Matter

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Posts:11490
#2385610
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Filler
Ohoho- I shall read it (and all the other chapters because I forgot) soon- when its not 1 AM...

Spaghetti
Thank you! I had a lot of fun with the names ^^
What kind of wording things? Missing words like what Onyx mentioned or wordy/poor choice? If its the later, please tell me where when you have the time!
What is Left of UsDecember 6, 2020 06:05 PM


Dark Matter

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Posts:11490
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And is it interesting enough up to the five page marker? Because most of the start is just description and explaining, and I want to make sure its not too much for the reader/boring right away...
What is Left of UsDecember 6, 2020 06:18 PM


Shadow Masters

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Posts:3580
#2385621
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I'm crying-
I wasted all my savings-
What is Left of UsDecember 6, 2020 06:24 PM


Dark Matter

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#2385623
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wHy
What is Left of UsDecember 6, 2020 06:28 PM


Shadow Masters

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Posts:3580
#2385628
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Wildfire was going to have pups, and I was impatient-
I wasted EVERYTHING-
Apple prices went up 150 mush from yesterday-
And so now all I have is 17 mush-

Doom said:
wHy


What is Left of UsDecember 6, 2020 07:26 PM


Former Pack

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Silver
:0 I love it! Definitely let us know when the next chapter comes out!
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Doom
Some wording that could be better here and there, but I'll try to look at it tomorrow when I'm more awake and help you out
And I thought it was interesting. I think the cliffhanger/chapters that start out in action scenes may end up being more intruiging, but your chapter has really good writing and is detailed, so I think it balances itself out.
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Celery
:0
I -
w h y
like I know why but w h y

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