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Darkseeker
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I think we should be able to choose
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Neutral
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Agreed Lord of the Chocolat said: I think we should be able to choose
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Neutral
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This is a really, really, really rough, and unfinished draft of mine- Reed sighed and banged his head on his hard, wooden desk. Why were there no leads, how could there be no leads! He then began to lift his head up. After a moment or two he looked down at the tan cardboard box next to his desk. No leads, next to no evidence, just fifty-seven murders, and fifty-seven broken watches. Taking a deep breath he took a watch off his desk and began to stroke it,”My first case, and the first murder. Feels like we’re almost friends,” he chuckled,”or lovers even, always apart.. never finding one another..” His eyes closed and began tearing up,”I feel so close to you, yet I know nothing of you but those eyes..those eyes and that grin..” The tears were like a river now and his face was all scrunched up,”So-o so fa-a..,” he took a deep breath and tried to calm himself down. “Mr Clover! Mr Clover!” Maple burst into Reed's office and didn’t notice his puffy eyes, or his remaining tears. She practically hopped over to his desk and shoved a watch in Reeds face. Reed then pushed her hand a little and began to look at the watch, he was quite confused and annoyed till he noticed a hair. “My god..” His eyebrows furrowed and he began to frown,”Is it the victims? Have they tested it yet, where was the victim found, when were they found, do we know the time of death? Who found it?” Maple rolled her eyes,”I don’t fucking know.. All I know is they wanted to give the case to someone else. All I know is I convinced them to let you continue. All I know is I got the watch! I-I.. I know it’s your job but can’t you just be happy there’s evidence and not ask me eighty questions.. And- and! Why can’t I get a ‘Thank you Ms Fields!’ or ‘You’re an awesome partner Maple!” She then walked over to the door,”I try so hard, and I do so much, I just.., I just want to be appreciated sometimes.” It was 9:42, Maple and everyone else had gone home and now Reed was finally going home. He was walking down an old dirt road, his home wasn’t far and this morning he’d felt like running, so he hadn’t taken his car. He shivered slightly, “I’m such a moron, I just had to run to work, just had to..” He shivered again then turned around when he heard a car approaching, it looked to be a Ford Ranger, maybe red, he didn’t know much about cars but his sister had a Ford Ranger. He got a bad feeling that grew as the car got closer, and closer.. When the car stopped by him he should’ve ran, but he didn’t, he ignored his gut and he paid. At first the stranger seemed nice, almost familiar, they’d asked if he wanted a ride and Reed had thanked them but declined. The stranger then got out of their car, pulled out a gun and ran towards Reed. When faced with a stressful situation he tended to freeze and tense up. Before Reed knew it there was a rag over his nose and mouth. He struggled for a minute or two then finally knocked the stranger over. For a few seconds he thought he’d gotten away but the stranger got him once more and the rag was over his nose and mouth once more. The last thing Reed remembered was the stranger mumbling something about him finally resting. Reed awoke in a hard metal chair in a dimly lit room. He was slightly dizzy and he couldn’t figure out why he couldn’t move. After struggling for about five minutes the stranger came and turned a bright light on. Reed winced and closed his eyes when the light turned on, the light was way too bright in his opponent. “Oh sweet, sweet Cloves, you never give up, I used to love that about you,” the stranger began walking towards him, "Give up. Let someone else take the case, stop it, just fucking stop.” Edited at April 19, 2021 10:38 AM by Ricaan
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Neutral
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Can you guys criticize what I wrote? You obviously don't have to but I'd really appreciate it!(If you do criticize it you can be blunt, you don't have to sugar coat it or anything-)
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Neutral
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Well, its a little hard to follow in the first half. I have no idea what he means by being friends, almost lovers, or anything else he says. Or what the watches have to do with anything.
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Neutral
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Thank you for criticizing my writing, I really appreciate it! Lil info: The stranger is actually Reeds elementary friend and high school ex and I was contemplaiting having the detective and stranger/murder fall in love- (That's why I said friends almost lovers- ) The watches come from a prompt I had to write for ELA (It was better than the shitty draft I put on here. I can't remember the exact prompt but it had something to do with a bloody watch-) I was ispired by what I'd wrote- Long story short I wrote about a murder who leaves a watch at every crime scene, the detective found out that their assistant was the murder, and the assistance ends up murdering the detective- Torch said: Well, its a little hard to follow in the first half. I have no idea what he means by being friends, almost lovers, or anything else he says. Or what the watches have to do with anything.
Edited at April 26, 2021 12:59 AM by Ricaan
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Neutral
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Honestly love it. I agree was a bit hard to fallow at first but it's pretty good in general. I love true crime and all things scary, spooky, and terrifying so this was right up my ally.
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Neutral
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*I'm debating on having the murder/stranger try to befriend the detective(The detective wouldn't know it was the murder/stranger/his ex/there are too many slashes-), have them murder the detective at some point, have the detective break and murder the murder/stranger or something else entirely-(The murder scenarios wouldn't happen immediately- it'd take awhile for one of them to murder the other-)* Are these ideas shit- or are they somewhat okay- Edited at April 26, 2021 10:26 AM by Ricaan
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Neutral
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Ricaan said: Should we all come up with/find a prompt(s) and vote, do you guys want me to come up with/find a prompt, or does someone have a certain prompt in mind already? (I can come up with/find prompts, I just don't know what you guys want to do-)
I like this idea and after reading what birb wrote (Which I love btw) I was thinking if you want to you could write a little piece of a story and have people criticize it. But don't be too rude. Tell me what you guys think. Edited at April 26, 2021 10:29 AM by Greenfall
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Neutral
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I like that idea :D (I just want to say that you all are fucking amazing humans that are filled with kindness and amazing fucking ideas.) Greenfall's idea made birb remember something they did at school in 3rd grade- . Version 1 (You can start out with or without a prompt- In 3rd grade when I did this we had a picture prompt-) So person 1 writes a paragraph(or more depending on how much you want to write) then person 2 continues writing what person 1 wrote, then person 3 continues writing what 1 and 2 wrote, and so on and so on- . Version 2 Person 1 writes a sentence, then person 2 writes a sentence(the sentence goes with the 1st sentence-), and so on and so on until you have a paragraph/few paragraph/story Edited at April 26, 2021 10:47 AM by Ricaan
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