"But it's too late, the damage has been done. You hurt me and you knew that you were going to. You were planning on running away instead of telling me the truth. Those are your choices and your choices have consequences."

Niké took a deep breath, struggling to do so as he felt like he would start full on sobbing any second, Theo wasn't holding back, not that he could even ask the man to, he deserved to hear all of it.

“What would you have done if you found out though?! What if I did tell you the truth? You were angry enough to threaten and punch me surrounded by cops, something you're now being charged with… There were a million times I wanted to tell you but can you blame me for being scared…?” The grey-haired man questioned, not bothering to look up when he heard Theo moving away, it would only be good if the man left.

"But you still have a choice, live the rest of your life with a tobacco addiction, guilt, restless nights and wishing you could go back or make it right with me in the present and not the past."

At that, Niké could no longer hold back, he gave in to his emotions as he started sobbing and he kept his face hidden as tears streamed down it, he was pathetic and he lived the pathetic life that Theo had had just described. He wanted to be angry with the other for continuing to poke at his emotions with his words, angry because he made him seem and act like such a pathetic loser, but how could he be angry? Theo was only telling him the truth and instead of crying like an idiot, maybe he should actually try and do something about it? But how, what?

"And maybe, just maybe I'll be able to forgive you."

He loved Theo incredibly much and there was nothing he wanted more than to go back to how it was, but at the same time he was scared that even if he could make Theo forgive him, things could never be the same.

After a few moments of the young man choking back his tears and sobs, trying to regain enough control over himself to speak. To help he pulled out his pack of cigarettes, looking up only as he grabbed one from the pack to put between his lips, just as he did though, Theo’s words made themselves reminded and with a frustrated sigh, Niké spit the cigarette out as he crumbled up the half full pack in his hand.

“I don't just want your forgiveness… I want you to love me again,” Niké replied after a while, his voice weak and quiet. “I know it's selfish but without you I have no one anymore and then I might as well continue living this shit life until I one day rot away…”

Sighing, Niké looked down at the ground, picking at a few strands of grass that had managed to grow through the cracks in the concrete. “I already know you won't love me again, I'm surprised you did in the first place, so what use is there for me to try? I don't even know where to begin, any of my attempts will for sure end in failure anyway, we both know that…”

"How am I supposed to trust you again? How am I supposed to look at you dead in the eye and say that you would never hurt me again? How are we supposed to have a relationship when the only one we had was built upon lies?"

“It wasn't all lies…” Niké weakly protested, he had lied about his profession but never about his feelings for the man, he had loved Theo and he still did, yet he had hurt the man and now he didn't know what to do.

"You can't just do that to me. And worst of all, I have to look at you like that. I may be the one going to prison for at least an assaulting a police officer charge, but I'm not the one that is falling apart right in front of us. And now you're telling me that you love me and want me to love you again? That for sure in hell isn't happening any time soon. Make some decisions, clean up your act, and maybe then we can talk."

Once more, his eyes filled up with tears and the man started sobbing. Why had he ruined it all? Why did he always hurt the people closest to him? Why was he like this?

“I don't know how to…” he finally managed to choke out in between sobs, “How can I change when this is who I’ve always been…? This was my attempt at cleaning my act up, becoming a cop, doing something useful and shit but I'm still the same,” he sighed heavily as he rubbed his eyes a bit, wiping away the tears and trying to calm himself back down, he was being ridiculous crying like this, it wouldn't help anyone.

After a few moments of silence and trying to control his own breathing, Niké spoke again, “If I run away now then I'm right back where I started, living on the streets and hiding from the cops, the only ones I had back then who cared about me aren't there anymore, he left, he said he was coming back but he never did and she… She's gone, I hurt her so much and caused her so much stress so now she's gone, I made her hate me. I was just a kid and I still managed to hurt her so much that she despised me…” he admitted with a shaky voice, his hands once again trembling as he stared emptily at the ground in front of him.

“And how would I clean up my act…? I have always been a shit person…” The grey-haired man stretched his legs out as he leaned his head back against the wall and looked up at the sky, “Tell me how to and I’ll do it but I can't do it alone, I don't know how to… I promise to never lie to you again… Ask me anything and I will give you nothing but the truth, I swear.”

He sighed heavily as he wiped away the tears welling up in his eyes once more, “I know I'm not being fair and that I have no right to be hurting, I know that. But I need you and I love you, being with you and the gang is the first time in forever that I've actually been happy and felt free. I get that you can't trust me, I wouldn't trust me either, but I never wanted to hurt you and I don't deserve you, I know that as well, you're such a good person and you deserve to be happy with someone who would never do this to you but until you find that person, please, just please let me be with you, let me try to change and prove that you can trust me,” he begged. Never in his life had he thought he would be begging another person to stay with him, he was used to them leaving so he tried to not care so much but with Theo it was different.

Theo was right. Niké was crumbling into pieces, it seemed as if everything, all the guilt, shame and self hatred, came crashing down on him, crushing him and crumbling him into a million pieces.

"You ruined us. You figure it out."

Every word Theo said was like a new knife in Niké’s chest each time. It was hurting him so much that it was pretty much unbearable. He deserved it though and he knew that everything Theo was saying was right, which was also probably why it hurt him so much.

"Now are we done here so I can go back to rotting in my jail cell while you make enough money to support the whole ass gang?"

Niké took a deep breath before slowly standing up, trying so hard to not tear up again. He had nothing to reply to Theo, everything he said was met with a cold and hurtful answer and he couldn't take more right now, he just couldn't.

Taking a few more deep breaths, trying to gain his composure back, an useless task of course, he turned to look at Theo. A heavy sigh escaped his lips and he looked down, down at the crumbled up cigarette pack. Why had he done that? Whether he smoked a few cigarettes or not would not change Theo’s mind, not right now at least so then he might as well smoke. He couldn't handle losing Theo and dealing with withdrawal at the same time, he just couldn't, everything already felt like too much, no need to add another thing to the list.

His sadness was slowly turning to frustration, just what did Theo want from him? Had he not proved what he was willing to do for him and the gang? Risking his life, helping save the ones of others and overall getting his hands dirty for the sake of the gang and Theo. He knew he shouldn't have lied but now he wanted to make things right, begging Theo for forgiveness and asking what he could do to fix things yet the man continued to reject and treat him with coldness. He truly didn't know how to fix this.

“Let's go…” Niké mumbled quietly, there was no use in him trying to talk to Theo, the gang leader hated him, he would never let him back into his life again, there was no way.

This time Niké made no attempt to grab Theo, instead he just walked behind the other, trying to hide the sadness and guilt that painted his face. He needed to find a way to fix this but how? How do you fix something like this? How do you make someone not hate you anymore?

~A Few Days Later~

After his conversation with Theo the other day, Niké had been feeling worse than he had in ages, not having slept more than just a couple of hours and when he did, it wouldn't take more than a couple of minutes before he woke up screaming. His neighbors definitely hated his guts by now.

Work had been even worse, sitting at that desk all day was killing him, driving him insane even. Just staring at that computer screen all day, and the piles of paperwork, oh god…

At least it had given him something, all that paperwork, despite his head being a mess, he would spot Theo’s name anywhere and among those piles of paperwork, he'd seen Theo’s court date. No matter how much he tried, he seriously couldn't get the man out of his head. He needed to try and fix things between him and Theo, or at least make sure Theo was free.

Which was why he was here. Standing out in the cold near the gang hideout, waiting to see if Alleya would come out soon, she was the only one he felt he could talk to without a 100% risk of getting killed. Niké had no idea how much any of the gang members knew about the situation yet but he was sure that they would figure it out pretty quickly once he came around and started talking, Alleya was most likely to let him go, or at least give him a head start…

With a soft sigh Niké pulled his phone out of his pocket and looked at the time, when the hell would she show up? Were they even still here? What if the gang had moved already without Theo? Should he go looking for them at the other places he’d discovered with Alleya and Taurus?

God, he was too tired for any of this… Frozen hands put his phone back into his pocket and fished out a pack of cigarettes instead. Him quitting hadn't lasted for longer than half a day, the withdrawal paired with how crappy he was feeling about absolutely everything going on, quitting now felt hopeless, there was so much that needed fixing before he could even begin to deal with his smoking.

He put the cigarette between his lips and lit it, smoking a drag as he looked over at the door to the house once more, leaning his back against a tree and continuing to smoke his cigarette. Just a few more minutes, then he'd leave and try the other places, see if he could find Alleya there.

With a sigh, Niké finished his cigarette. Still no sight of Alleya. Why could absolutely nothing work out in his favor? He was trying to make things right but how was he supposed to do so when the whole world seemed to be against him?

Casting one last glance at the door, hoping to see it swing open and for the cheerful Alleya to make her way out, holding that spring in her step whenever she walked. But of course not. The forest around the house remained still and silent, Niké being the closest thing to life there was.

The grey-haired man began walking, shoving his stiff and frozen hands into the pockets of his jacket. What now? What the fuck, was he supposed to do now? Sit back and wait for Theo to be locked up in prison forever?

Suddenly, the sound of the door opening and shutting could be heard and Niké stopped once again to look over, not expecting much. He was sure it was just his ears playing tricks on him like they always did, and even if they weren't, what were the chances of it being Alleya?

However, between the trees he saw the frame of the short red-head… And Taurus.

Niké looked around worriedly, please don't let there be anyone but them. Taurus was one of the last people he wanted to deal with, with a little luck he knew he could take the man down if necessary. He hoped he could at least. Or did he? Maybe it would be better that way? Him telling Alleya how to help Theo and then having Taurus and Lea kill him when they find out he's a cop? It would surely solve a lot of his problems…

Taking a deep breath, Niké started walking towards the two, slowly as he pulled his hands out of his pockets to show that he carried no weapons. He didn't know how hostile they would be towards him so better safe than sorry.

“Alleya? Taurus?” The young man spoke as he got closer to the two, slightly relieved to see that it really was them but also worried when he saw the state of Alleya, it was like a completely different person, she looked nothing like the happy and cheerful woman he had gotten to know. Not that he had to look better, sleep deprived and overall just a complete mess, barely eating or taking care of himself for the past few days. He had been doing the absolute minimum to keep himself alive and from people to ask too many questions about his well-being.

“Shit Alleya, I'm so happy to see you,” he told the woman as he got closer, going to hug her but quickly taking a step back, she was going to resent him soon, just like Theo did, she wouldn't want to have hugged him once she knew the truth.

The man glanced over at Taurus, not entirely happy about seeing the other man with Alleya but who was he to say anything, if she willingly went with him then Niké couldn't do much, besides, it wasn't what was important now.