Okay, this too way to long and the ending is a mess, but enjoy! Lmao
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Visible Imperfections
Prompt; Scars
Characters; Akira, Ingall, Revan, Nico, and Garvin. Briar, Aries, and Eachna mentioned
Word Count; 2,475
TWs; Swearing, Body dysphoria/dysmorphia, Vague mentions of past physical abuse, Mentions of past Self-harm, Messy writing, and I think that's pretty much it?
Notes; So this takes place sometime in the far future of AFCS, sometime a while after Reconnecting With The Past. There are a couple references that will make more sense after the whole RCWTP timeline plays out (I have, like, 4 or 5 stories that are the immediate aftermath of the talk with Romilly but can't seem to complete the first step, my brain hates me ;-;). Anyway, it's kinda angsty at the start but wholesome overall, so enjoy! :D
—
Akira found themself leaning heavily against the sink, glaring into the mirror with a mixture of anger and helplessness.
Eachna had prescribed them the homework of looking into the mirror every morning and saying at least five things they liked about their body. Small or big, it didn't matter much, anything was something, according to her.
The thing was, Akira has been doing this since a little over a month ago when they finally broke down and told her about their discomfort in their own body. How their skin sometimes felt wrong and their brain contorted their body into a completely different shape than it actually was, setting an unrealistic expectation.
But they'd been doing well! They had!
Sure, the first three or so weeks had been hell, resulting in a full breakdown where they ended up on the floor sobbing until one of their partners found them and coaxed them back into bed or to the couch until they could calm down, but the last two weeks? They'd been great!
Every day for the last thirteen days, Akira had managed to look into that mirror and tell their reflection that, as imperfect as it was, they did like some things. Their eyes, or their hair, or the way their cheeks dimpled when they smiled. They'd been so fucking excited to go into their weekly session and tell Eachna how kind they'd been to themself, how consistent they'd been!
And yet, today…
Today they couldn't do it.
The longer they stared at themself in the glass, the more warped their appearance became. They noted every flaw, every tiny detail that felt slightly out of place, slightly imperfect.
The way their roots were just starting to show, the crookedness of their nose, their squared jaw, the dark circles under their eyes, and their scars.
God, their scars.
They were everywhere, racing over their cheeks, slashing the middle of their nose, encircling their neck, running up and down their arms, their legs, their chest, their back.
Everywhere. Fucking everywhere.
Jagged, uneven, discolored, and so, so damn ugly.
They shuddered, broke eye-contact with the mirror, and grabbed their jacket, shoving it back on over their shoulders, choosing to neglect the more feminine outfits they'd picked out earlier.
The sleeves of the blouse were mesh, far too transparent to hide the mess of mistakes plastered all over their arms, and the skirt was too short, only knee-length, not enough to protect the unshaven legs that were equally littered in scars.
Fuck this, they needed a turtleneck and pants, maybe even a damn mask, though that doubted even that would be enough to cover all their disgusting features.
For a moment, their eyes fell on Nico's make-up bag sitting on the corner of the sink. Make-up was good, it couldn't fix mistakes, but it could help cover some of them up. So, Akira debated.
Debated taking the bag, opening it and using the products it held. Except, they couldn't. Not necessarily because Nico would mind, rationally, Akira knew they wouldn't, but they couldn't. Because they didn't know make-up. They weren't good at it.
They'd tried before, mostly out of curiosity, and it never ended well. They always failed at color matching and blending, leaving their uneven skin to look even more uneven, and they could never seem to get the brushes to do what they wanted. Not to mention the damn eyeliner.
They sucked at that kind of shit. They would just make everything worse, they would just ruin it like they ruined everything else.
So there was no point in even trying.
Sighing, Akira turned to leave the bathroom, only to pause, glance back toward the mirror one last time, and mutter a quick apology to Eachna under their breath.
They just couldn't manage. Not today.
—
After changing quickly into a sweater (not a turtleneck, purely because that would be too obvious of a red-flag to their partners at this point-) and pants, Akira forced themself to head to the kitchen, drawn to the smell of breakfast.
When they reached the kitchen, Ingall was sitting and reading at the table while Revan stopped on a cup of coffee across from him, typing on his phone.
Ingall looked up first and smiled slightly.
“Good morning, Akira. There's food on the stove, it should still be warm.”
“Good morning.” Revan added.
Akira nodded and grabbed a plate. “‘Mazing, thanks, Ingall. Mornin’. Where are the others?”
As they sat, they could feel Ingall examining them and stared and Revan looked up, brow furrowing slightly before he broke the silence.
“They’re having breakfast with Aries and Briar today, they should be back shortly.”
Akira's stomach turned, they knew that. They knew they knew that. And it's not something they should have forgotten, they seriously needed to get their shit together. “Ah, yeah, s’rry, don't know why that slipped my mind.” They attempted to laugh it off, but based on the look Rev and Ingall shared, and the way Ingall's hands twitched anxiously, it didn't work well.
“What's wrong?” Ingall's voice was gentle, not pressing, but Akira still had to physically force themself from flinching at the question.
“Nothin’,” They glared at their plate, slowly cutting into a pancake. “‘M fine, promise, my mind’s jus’ a bit… fuzzy this mornin’.”
They tried for a smile and failed.
Revan shifted beside them, turning to face them.
“Fuzzy how?”
Akira bit the inside of their cheek, fighting the instinct to just say they were tired. To say everything was fine and they should ignore everything and move on. They wanted to, they really did, but Eachna would have lightly scolded them if she heard about it.
This was something they'd been working on with her for the longest. Opening up, letting people in.
‘It’s going to be scary, it's going to be really hard, and it's not going to happen overnight. That's okay, healing takes time, I'm not here to rush you, but you should be able to trust your partners. They love you, Akira, they want to help you just like you want to help them. Part of that process is communication. I'm not saying you have to tell them everything you've gone through immediately, but starting small and mentioning when you feel sad or angry is a good first step. Try to verbalize when you're upset and just see what happens. If it goes well, maybe you can try to explain why you're feeling that way. If you can't, that's okay, it's a process. But I want you to try. Can you do that?’
They could. They had. And that didn't want to lose that progress too.
“Uh- ‘t’s not that big a deal, jus’-” They paused, taking a breath. “Jus’ overthinkin’ some stuff. Body shit, stupid. Dunno, it's not important.”
They saw their partners exchange another look out of the corner of their eye.
“It is important.” Ingall's voice was softer than usual, even for him, and Revan nodded. “We care about you, Akira.”
“Would you like to talk about it?”
They hesitated at Revan's question. Honestly, no. They didn't even want to think about it anymore, but was that even an option at this point? They didn't want to make things worse and upset everyone.
“If you can't, that's alright. Just know that we're here for you and let us know if you need anything.” Revan took hold of one of their hands, gently unfolding their fingers. “You're not a burden.”
“And we think you're amazing just the way you are.” Ingall added, smiling faintly.
Pressure built behind Akira's eyes and they took another breath to keep from completely breaking down.
"Thank you."
---
By the time Nico and Garvin came back home, Akira was sitting on the couch, trying to ignore the worsing feelings of discomfort through the power of Star Wars, with Revan sitting beside them on his laptop and Ingall sitting cross-legged on the floor, hyper-focused on a book about mapping stars.
"We're back!" Nico's voice was cheerful, ringing through the apartment causing Revan and Akira both to look up. "Miss us?"
Nico appeared a few seconds later, green eyes bright, followed closely by Garvin, who grinned as well.
Revan rolled his eyes. "Yes, but I already miss the quiet."
Nico pouted. "Rude!"
"I missed you." Ingall's voice was quiet, and he didn't look up from his book as he said it, but Nico's face lit up again, which Akira supposed was the intended outcome.
"Aw, thanks Angel! I missed you too! Whatcha reading?"
As Ingall held up the book, Garvin made his way over to the couch, plopping down on the side of Akira opposite of Revan, and Akira immediately shifted to rest their head on his chest without thinking.
"Hey, 'quila."
They smiled faintly. "Hey."
"Ya good?"
"Sure, jus' watchin' Star Wars."
Garvin seemed to think a moment before nodding slowly, hand shifting to run through Akira's hair. "Can't believe ya started without me." His tone was playful, almost careful, and Akira tried for a smirk in response.
"Thought ya wouldn' mind too much. Already watched this one several times. How was breakfast?"
Garvin's gray eyes examined them carefully as he spoke and some part of their brain registered that the others had all gone quiet now too, likely listening, watching. Something about it felt familiar, the same as in the few months after their talk with Romilly.
They hated it, but they were too tired, too caught up in their own head to care at this point.
"Good. Jus' caught up wit' Caelum an' Tucana."
They nodded and silence stretched for a moment. They wished it didn't. Wished they knew what the fuck to say to break the tension.
"Kiro, are you okay?"
Nico sounded concerned and Akira hated that too.
"Sure, Blossom."
Another pause, and then Nico was shaking his head slightly.
"Naga, I'm serious."
Akira swallowed, suddenly more aware of Garvin's hand gently brushing their hair to the side, somehow not hesitating or pulling back as his fingers grazed their neck. Of the fact that everyone in the room was watching them, waiting for an honest answer.
And they couldn't lie. They wouldn't lie. That would be counter-productive, Eachna might be disappointed.
"I don' know." Their voice shook slightly this time and they turned their face into Garvin's chest, hiding from the worried gazes of their partners. "I don' fuckin' know. I jus' feel..."
They trailed off, mind spinning as they tried to figure out how the fuck to explain their idiotic problem. The others waited and, though Akira couldn't see them with how they buried their face into Garvin's shirt, they could sense the worried glances they shot each other.
"'T's like... Like my body ain't mine, ya know? Like, I don' know, somethin' feels wrong, I feel wrong. It's like when I look in the mirror I don' see what I think I should, and what I do see is so- so wrong, so bad, I don'- I don' know-"
They didn't realize they were crying until their shoulders started shaking and Garvin shifted, pulling them up and closer to himself, wrapping his arms tightly around their waist.
"'M sorry, it's stupid, I jus'- I can't- I don' know wha's wrong with me!"
"There's nothing wrong with you, Oira!" Nico's voice shook slightly, but it was firm. "And it's not stupid, you're not stupid for feeling this way! It's perfectly valid to feel this way, a lot of people do, I used to. And I know you don't believe me right now, I know it feels like you'll never get better and you think you'll always hate how you look, but it's not true! It does get better, it does get easier, and one day you're going to look at yourself in the mirror and see how stunning and amazing you are, how your scars are a part of that beauty and ever single part of you is worth loving! I'll make sure of it, I promise, because you deserve that, okay? You fucking deserve that and... And I'm sorry you don't see that right now."
Through a haze of tears and confusion at the uncharacteristic outburst, Akira looked up, finding Nico standing in front of them and Garvin, tears streaming freely down her cheeks. And it broke their heart to see him cry, to know that they caused the tears, but before the could speak, Ingall stood as well, placing a gentle hand on Nico's shoulder and smiling slightly at Akira.
"You do deserve it, Akira, and we'll all do our best to help you see yourself as we see you."
Revan nodded as well, shifting over on the couch and lightly taking one of Akira's hands. "And you should know you can talk to us whenever you're feeling this way. We may not be able to fix everything, but we can at least do our best to help you."
Garvin grinned, placing his forehead to Akira's temple. "An', fer the record, I think yer hot as fuck. Just the way ya are."
They couldn't help but choak out a laugh at that, feeling themself calm slightly. "Thanks, it... It means a lot." Their eyes fell back on Nico, who was wiping her own tears, fidgeting slightly, and managed a smile. "Are ya gonna join now? I could... I could use a group hug?"
Nico's eyes lit up at that and Ingall chuckled softly, following his partner as they barrelled forward and practically tackled Akira and Garvin, grabbing Revan and pulling him in in the process, earning a soft grunt in response.
Seconds later, the entire group was in one big pile on the couch and Akira felt themself finally melting, regaining control even as the voice in the back of their mind continued to scold them, albeit quieter now.
"I love ya, all of ya. An'... thank you."
They were met with various responses, reciprocating the affection and brushing off the thanks, and finally allowed their eyes to slip shut, just embracing the moment.
Fall Month: 2 
Night 
Clear Moon: 
