Also, to balance out the angst, have some incorrect quotes from the various RPs without specification about which is which, lmao
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Garvin: We have a problem.
Bernard: No, YOU have a problem. I have an idiot who keeps making them.
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Judge: Does the defendant have any special requests?
Nico: Death penalty.
Bernard, from the gallery: Nico, it’s just a parking ticket.
Nico, whispering into the mic: Please kill me.
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*Garvin and Akira playing minecraft*
Garvin: Oh no, oh no, oh no-
Akira: What’s wrong?
Garvin: I did a thing.
Akira: You regret the thing you dID-
Garvin: *screams*
Akira: What the fuck did you do- *sees mass of aggravated Piglin* Damn it-
Garvin: *screams again*
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*Nico sneezes*
Revan: Nico, are you sick? Here, let me wrap you in a blanket and hand-feed you some warm soup while singing you a lullaby!
*Garvin sneezes*
Revan: Oh my god. Shut the hell up.
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Zakai: I haven't slept in seventy-three hours.
Garvin: Eighty. Democratically elected leader of insomnia.
Briar: Bitch, it's been ninety for me. I'm going for an even one hundred.
Vida: You guys are fucking terrifying.
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Briar: Do you ever feel like exploding? Have you experienced the urge to enter the process of combustion? Has your mind created a logical idea, known as thought, to disperse your body into thousands of particles suddenly?
Aries: It’s 3 am, please go back to sleep.
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Stellan: What do you have?
Vee: A KNIFE!
Stellan: NO!
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Briar, bleeding out on the ground: Blood loss? No, I know exactly where it is.
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Bernard: I never understood why people cared so much about their dumb friends until I got a dumb friend myself.
Bernard: *Picks up Garvin*
Bernard: I’ve only befriended Garvin for a day and a half, but if anything happened to them I would kill everyone in this room and then my self.
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Akira: If a demon possessed me, I’d just be like, “Okay, take it from here, good luck man.”
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Kyra: Why is Stellan making me do the dishes again? You haven’t washed them in a week, Briar!
Briar: It’s because I’m Stellan's favorite.
Kyra: I hate you.
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*The Squad using an Ouija board*
Nico: Tell us… Is there a spirit in this house?
Spirit, through the board: YES.
Revan: Great! Rent is due on the first of the month.
Garvin: Oh, and movie night is on Friday if you want to hang out.
Spirit: WAIT, WHAT—
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Briar: Isn't it amazing how I can feel so bad and still look so good?
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Revan: Fine! I don't give a shit!
Briar: You seem to give a lot of shit for someone who claims not to give a shit.
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Aries: "Last week, Briar tried to flush a live lobster down the toilet "because it worked for Nemo".
Or, alternatively
Revan: "Last week, Nico tried to flush a live lobster down the toilet "because it worked for Nemo".
Or
Revan: "Last week, Garvin tried to flush a live lobster down the toilet "because it worked for Nemo".
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Bernard: Where's Briar?
Revan: Don't worry, I'll find them.
Revan, shouting: Nico sucks!
Briar, distantly: Nico is the best person ever! Fuck you!
Revan: Found them.
Or
Stellan: Where's Briar?
Kyra: Don't worry, I'll find them.
Kyra, shouting: Aries sucks!
Briar, distantly: Aries is the best person ever! Fuck you!
Kyra: Found them.
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Nico: That was so hot, Garvin.
Garvin: I literally called the person who just flirted with you a degenterate dog and told them I hope they get dragged through the streets.
Nico: I'm so in love with you.
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Revan: Our relationship is strictly professional.
Garvin, sitting on Revan’s lap: Absolutely. Only on business.
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Akira: I could kill you if I wanted.
Briar: Yeah? So could any other human being. So could a dog. So could a dedicated duck. You aren't special.
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Nico: Garvin? What are you doing here?
Garvin, wearing a hawaiian shirt, sunglasses and holding a gatorade: My best.
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Nico: We can bake these cookies at 400 degrees for 10 minutes or 4,000 degrees for 1 minute.
Ingall: No, that's not how you make cookies.
Garvin: FLOOR IT!!
Nico: How about 4,000,000 degrees for 1 second?!?
Ingall: yOU'RE GONNA BURN THE HOUSE DOWN-
Nico: I'M GONNA HARNESS THE POWER OF THE FUCKING SUN TO MAKE COOKIES!
Briar: DO IT!
Ingall: NO-
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Sol: Do you cook?
Akira: I made a cake once.
Ingall: Yeah, it was good.
Akira: Really?
Ingall: Don’t make me lie twice, Akira.
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Garvin: *slams books down in front of Ingall*
Garvin: Boil up some Mountain Dew. It’s gonna be a long night.
Revan: You could of said literally anything else.
Garvin: Cauldron boil and cauldron bubble, Baja Blast to fuel my trouble.
Revan: I’m going to just stop challenging you when you say random shit. I won’t win. I realize this now.
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Akira: I’d like to live through a week that’s not a whole new verse of “We Didn’t Start the Fire.”
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Akira: What starts with F and ends with Uck?
Revan: No it doesn't.
Nico: Firetruck!
Garvin: FUCK!
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Briar: If I run and leap at Aries, they will most certainly catch me in their arms.
Briar, running towards Aries: Coming in!
Aries: No! I’m holding coffee!
Aries: *Drops coffee and catches Briar*
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Zakai, opening a Capri Sun: Guess I'll drink my sorrows away.
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Kyra: When do I get my own gun?
Stellan: I wouldn’t trust you with my kid’s lightsaber.
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Revan: I just watched Garvin jump off of a spinning chair. Luckily, they weren't hurt that badly. But the whole time, Nico was screaming for help, which caused Akira to run in to help Garvin. Just note that all of this happened in the span of six minutes.