Was running through incorrect quotes and uh...
Garvin: It’s nice to be wanted, you know?
Max: Not by the law!
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Garvin, texting Max: Roses are red, Tony Hawk is a skater…
Max′s phone, auto-replying: I’m driving right now–I’ll get back to you later.
*Later*
Max, texting back: Fuck you.
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Max: You know, Garvin, when you generalize, you tell general... lies.
Garvin: ...
Garvin: Are you trying to teach me moral lessons through puns.
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Garvin: *slams books down in front of Max*
Garvin: Boil up some Mountain Dew. It’s gonna be a long night.
Max: You could of said literally anything else.
Garvin: Cauldron boil and cauldron bubble, Baja Blast to fuel my trouble.
Max: I’m going to just stop challenging you when you say random shit. I won’t win. I realize this now.
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Garvin: *is throwing stones at Max's window*
Max: You have a phone for a reason, Garvin!
*THUD*
Max: DID YOU JUST THROW YOUR PHONE AT MY WINDOW?!
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Max: How has life been treating you lately?
Garvin: Horribly.
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Max: You use humor to deflect your trauma.
Garvin: Awww, thanks-
Max: That’s not a good thing.
Garvin: All I’m hearing is that you think I’m funny.
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Max: You need to stop swearing so much.
Garvin: Shut the fuck up.
Max: Yeah, that's not how you do it.
Garvin: Alright sorry. It's just that it's hard not to swear. The words just creep up on me when I least expect it.
Max: Now now, don't be like that. Just replace the swear words with 'beep' and you'll be fine.
Garvin: Shit the beep up.
Max:
Garvin: SHUT, DAMMIT! I MEANT SHUT!
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Garvin: What’s up with you?
Max: What do you mean?
Garvin: You’ve been nice and helpful and considerate all day. What’s your game?
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Garvin: *shoves their hand in the slot of a toaster*
Max: …
Garvin: …I get confused sometimes.
Max: Me too.
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Surprise Devery and Garvin one lol
Devery, to Garvin: You drink too much, swear too much, and your morals are highly questionable.
Garvin: …
Devery: You are everything I’ve ever wanted in a best friend.
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Don't believe Garvin here, he totally freaked out.
Max: Did you miss me while I was gone?
Garvin: You were gone?
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Max: Well Garvin, I have to say, I'm really disappointed.
Garvin: Well, you didn't HAVE to say it. You could've just thought it.
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Garvin, carrying a box: What would you say if- if I, hypothetically, came home with 7 kittens one day?
Max: …
Max: What’s in the box?
Garvin: What woul-
Max: Garvin, what’s in the box?
Garvin: I think you know.
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Max: Don’t stay up all night, Garvin. Last time you got this sleep-deprived, you tried to eat your own shirt.
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Garvin: We have fun, don’t we, Max?
Max: I have never been more stressed out in my entire life.
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Max: Garvin, why does your bucket list have ‘Die’ on it?
Garvin: So I can die feeling at least a little bit accomplished.
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Max: What's gone wrong, Garvin?
Garvin: Hey! That’s one hell of a thing to say to a person. Just because I’m calling doesn’t mean there’s a crisis.
Max: That’s technically true, I suppose. Why are you calling?
Garvin: Well... There’s a crisis.
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Garvin: Am I in trouble?
Max: Take a guess.
Garvin: No?
Max: Take another guess.
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Max: You have an impressive pain tolerance.
Garvin: Thanks, it's the trauma.
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Max: Good morning!
Garvin: Bold statement.
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Garvin: Lol. Heads up if you try to make a candle with food coloring, the food coloring will just sink to the bottom of the glass, and when the flame eventually reaches the bottom all the food coloring will catch fire and become one giant tall flame that you cannot possibly blow out and the glass will start to crack and then you’ll throw your tea on it in a panic and then the extremely hot food coloring will boil and sizzle horribly and then the glass will shatter. Please take my word on this.
Max: What did you do Garvin?
Garvin: a Mistake.
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Max: *running towards Garvin with open arms*
Garvin: *moves out of the way*
Max: Hey, why'd you move?!
Garvin: I thought you were going to attack me.
Max: I was going to hug you!
Garvin: Why would you hug me?
Max: WHY WOULD I ATTACK YOU!?
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*after discussing a plan*
Garvin: Does anyone have any questions?
Max: Is this legal?
Garvin: Does anyone have any relevant questions?
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Max: Garvin, I don’t think I can handle any more of your tomfuckery.
Garvin: Oh yeah? Well I can keep going until you’re all tomfuckered out!
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Garvin: English is CRAZY. Oregano is both a spaghetti leaf topping and a form of paper art!
Max: What is this "paper art" you speak of?
Garvin: That shit where you make cranes and stuff out of folded paper!
Max: ... Garvin.
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Garvin: Hostage or not, sometimes it’s nice being held.
Max: Are you okay.
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Another surprise one! Don't think too hard about it.
Max: GET BACK HERE YOU DUMB FUCK!
Fintan: LET ME RUN FROM THE CONSEQUENCES OF MY ACTIONS!
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Garvin: You’re giving me a sticker?
Max: Not just a sticker. That is a sticker of a kitty saying “me-wow!”
Garvin: I’m not a preschooler.
Max: Fine, I’ll take it back-
Garvin: I earned this, back off!
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Garvin: *makes Max a cup of tea but puts salt in it*
Max: *sips tea*
Garvin:
Max: *finishes tea*
Garvin: Didn't it taste bad?
Max: Yeah, but I didn't want to hurt your feelings so I drank it all.
Garvin, tearing up: Oh, okay.