Jaquin: So I can either do something dumb that could very well get me injured or I can listen to Iezekiel and not do the thing,

Jaquin: Well there’s a clear right answer here.

Jaquin: *proceeds to throw five packs of mentos into a barrel full of diet coke*

-

Jaquin: I made lightly fried fish fillets for dinner.

Sol: Jaquin, It’s 1:15 am, what the fuck.

Jaquin: Do you want the lightly fried fish fillets or not.

Sol: Well, I mean yeah.

Jaquin: So come downstairs while they’re still hot.

Sol: Wait, you just made them?

Jaquin: Yeah, I wasn’t tired so I decided to make lightly fried fish fillets.

Sol: Say lightly fried fish fillets one more time Jaquin.

-

Iezekiel: This bloodline ends with me.

Jaquin: That's the fanciest way I've ever heard someone say "I'm gay".

-

Jaquin: You fuckers don’t know about my knife stick. It’s a knife taped to a stick and it’s the ultimate weapon.

Iezekiel: Spear.

Jaquin: BLOCKED.

-

Jaquin: A mosquito tried to bite me and I slapped it and killed it.

Jaquin: And I started thinking.

Jaquin: Like, it was just trying to get food.

Jaquin: What if I went to the fridge and it just slammed the door shut and snapped my neck?

Sol: Are you ok?

-

Iezekiel: Jaquin...

Jaquin: I can tell by the tone of your voice that you are disappointed. Alas, I must further disappoint you by affirming how little I give a fuck.

-

Iezekiel, turning to Jaquin: Stop calling yourself hot, the only thing you can turn on is the microwave.

-

Kidnapper: I have your partner.

Sol: What? I don't have a partner...

Kidnapper: Then who just called me a lowlife bitch and spit in my face?

Sol: Oh my god, you have Jaquin.

-

Iezekiel: So what do you have planned for the future?

Jaquin: Lunch.

Iezekiel: No, like long term.

Jaquin: Oh...um, dinner?