The short story has been finished. It has 2445 words. Enjoy!
Short Story; Bad Days
Garvin, Revan, Akira, Nico, and Ingall.
TW because I am incapable of writing pure fluff. Not a very strong TW at least. Just, you know, general depression things and mentions of past stuff. Ahhh, hurt/comfort is so fun.
*~*~*~*
From the moment he’d woken up, he could tell that it wasn’t going to be a good day. Waking up like this, not present enough to feel his own hands all that well but also just present enough to know it… It’d been good before, when it had helped to dull his hunger or how cold it was during winter months, it’d been good back then. Or, at the very least, it had been helpful. It hadn’t been an issue, it hadn’t been something to dread, it’d been fine. Now, it only helped in making him feel out of place laying in the bed that he’d only just gotten used to waking up in.
-
There wasn’t any light coming in through the window either, which meant he’d woken up before the sun. Which was just great.
-
He forced himself out of the bed slowly, careful not to wake anyone else up. Despite as many times as he’d been told to let them know, as many times as they’d all been told by each other because it seemed to be something that they all had trouble doing… He just. Couldn’t. Not at the moment, at least. He’d have to at some point, probably. The last time he’d tried not to, he’d ended up causing an argument with Hex. And, for once, he wasn’t really looking for a redo. Still, it somehow felt wrong to tell them. They didn’t really need to know.
-
He left the room, steps careful as he went. He really didn’t want to wake them up. Not when most of them didn’t usually get that much sleep to begin with. No point in being the reason they get even less, it wouldn’t be fair to them. He’d be fine on his own until they woke up, he didn’t need them constantly there with him through every dip in his mood. He was fine.
-
He was already in the living room by the time he realized that he’d picked up his trench coat on the way out of the room he’d just been in (it wasn’t his room, not really), with the fabric held loose in his hand. And his next breath seemed heavier, almost, as he found his way onto the couch. He tightened his grip on the trench coat, shifting how he was seated so he could tug it on. There was no point to just holding it, anyways. He moved around again, letting himself sink into the couch and eyes drifting towards where the door was.
-
…He didn’t belong here. The thought wasn’t new. And, really? He didn’t. He truly didn’t. Not with the four people still sleeping in the room he’d just left, the room that would never be his despite how the four kept telling him it was. He’d never belonged there with them. Not even with Aquila or Lyra. Not with Apus, and definitely not with Lacerta. And he still didn’t understand why they wanted him here. How they could want him here. He didn’t belong in this kind of life, they didn’t need him for anything, and by all means two of them should hate him— At least two of them, honestly. They all probably had enough reasons to though. It didn’t make sense that they didn’t.
-
He didn’t belong here. He just didn’t. He wanted to, but he didn’t. He’d never belonged in this type of life. He didn’t fit in the picture the other four wanted. No matter how much he wanted to, he never would. No matter how much they wanted him to, he never would. He’d always known that. Every fucking person he’d ever stayed with had known it. And— Damn it, even the Camp-whatever’s had known it. It wasn’t a hard thing to realize about him. That the only life he’d ever belonged in was the one sewn on the back of his trench coat.
---
He wasn’t sure how long he sat on the couch like that, staring absently at the door. He could always leave, grab what little he needed and leave. He’d done it to others, different people that had tried, and some of them had tried so hard, to make him feel like he could stay. But he’d ruined things back then too though, every time. And every time, he had left. So, he could leave now too. Before he ruined things, which he would. If he didn’t leave, he would.
-
He hated the idea of leaving though. They seemed so… Worried… the last time they’d had to go find him. (And times before that too, if he were being honest with himself. But that had never been a strong suit of his.) They’d been so. Concerned. And no matter how out of place he felt, or as suffocating as their care was sometimes, or as much as he probably needed to leave before he ruined things and made them hate him like they already should… He just couldn’t do that to them.
-
He found his head in his hands a few seconds after the fact, hands already dragging downward as though he were just tired. Which— Yeah, okay, he was tired, and he was seriously starting to wonder how Thistle managed to get as much sleep as they did. Still, he groaned quietly into his palms and tried not to cringe with how the different scars on his face felt against his fingers.
-
The sound of footsteps coming closer before stopping told him that it was too late to leave, even if he had wanted to. The footsteps, on the other hand, went back the way they had come from. It’d probably been Specs, if he had to guess. It was still a nightmare to get him to sleep in the first place, but judging from how he hadn’t heard a scream or anyone else up— There at least hadn’t been an actual nightmare from him. Which was good, given how prone to them Rev seemed to be…
-
He should probably stop sitting like he was on the verge of some mental break before Lav came back with someone else though. So he forced himself to lean back and close his eyes instead of what he’d been doing before. If he were lucky, maybe they’d think he’d fallen asleep out on the couch and he’d have some time before he’d have to admit anything to them. He doubted it, but it was worth a shot, wasn’t it? He didn’t quite feel like telling them he felt like shit yet.
-
Not long after, there were two pairs of footsteps instead of one and he figured he’d been right about why Hex had gone back. When they reached as far as Specs had the first time around, he waited for any sign of who it was. Then, one pair started in the direction of the kitchen and the other stayed planted for a moment.
-
The second pair made their way around the couch, and he felt it dip under their weight as they sat down. He wasn’t willing to open his eyes and look at who it was, the choices were kind of limited anyways. And the person shifting so that they were almost leaning against him, motions casual enough to seem thoughtless, he was pretty sure he knew who they were anyways. Which meant hoping they thought he was asleep was pointless now.
-
He still didn’t open his eyes just yet, he didn’t really want to see whatever look he’d find there waiting for him. It stayed silent for only a few moments longer, like they were waiting for him to say something first. It would’ve helped his case, maybe.
-
“Revan’s makin’ us some breakfast.”
-
Their words were casually soft, like it wasn’t what was always one of the first things used to figure out where he was. Still, it was nicer than he cared to admit to, to hear Aki’s voice.
-
So he managed a small hum in reply, his chest and throat feeling a little too tight to do much else. There was more silence and then, Thistle was moving again in order to use him as a headrest. It hurt, just a bit, knowing that this was one of their ways of helping him. He hated how well it worked, hated that it seemed like too much and not enough all at once, hated how it forced him to be more present. It didn’t feel anywhere near deserved.
-
There was a slight shifting, and he cracked open an eye to look at Kira. Their purple hair greeted him, still rather vibrant from just how recently it had been dyed last. Key wasn’t looking at him though, so he tried to figure out what they were looking at. Which wasn’t all that hard, honestly, given how they seemed to be looking at their fingers. Fingers that were holding some of his trench coat, and rubbing the material between them. He couldn’t see the look on their face, so he wasn’t sure just how much he’d fucked up by putting it on.
-
The room stayed silent for a while longer, the only sound being Vans doing whatever it was he was doing in the kitchen. Plum looked over at him though, and he tried not to cringe at the sheer amount of care on their face. He wasn’t sure how well he did, but if he did cringe, they didn’t show they’d seen it.
-
“You know we care, right?”
-
The question was more direct than usual, and for a second he wondered if he was still asleep because Amber almost never went with direct questions like that. Neither of them did. But the second passed, and he knew he should be smiling or laughing, making some joke, or trying to deflect or downplay or something. Something that could help his case, that could get the worry to just stop. He felt himself tensing instead though, and he let out a quiet sigh, leaning forwards a bit to rest his head on top of Aquila’s, and tried not to think about how much it felt like defeat.
-
“Garvin?”
-
He cringed, slightly at how worried Cassy sounded but mostly just at the sound of his name, and closed the open eye again. He didn’t want to hear it. Damn it, he didn’t deserve it. It wasn’t even really his.
-
There was more shifting and moving from Cass and he tried not to feel too much like it was his fault as they seemed to be moving away from him. And then he tried not to be too surprised when they continued to shift to where it was more like they were holding him. He let out a shaky breath he hadn’t realized that he’d been holding, and tried not to show how much the moment meant to him.
-
It was silent again for a while, the sounds of Lacerta making breakfast even falling into nothingness for a moment before footsteps replaced it. When the footsteps stopped nearby, he didn’t have nearly enough time to try and get himself together before he felt Aquila shaking their head. There was a second of hesitation before the footsteps walked away again, and he tried not to think about how it meant Thistle had turned down food to instead deal with him. It seemed wrong, like some sort of mistake.
-
The sound of footsteps coming back seemed even less right, the fact that they went past the couch only slightly fixing that. Especially as they came back soon after, the couch dipping a bit away from where he and Kate were.
-
Two more sets of footsteps came from the hall not long after, and he still hadn’t managed to pull himself away. Which meant the whole group of them would probably end up having to deal with his shit. Which was fine, it was great. He wasn’t sure if any of them had plans for today or not, he hoped that they wouldn’t be canceling anything just for him. He’d rather them leave if they had plans. He’d rather them not worry about him at all, if he were being honest.
-
The footsteps stopped, just like all the other ones had, taking in whatever the scene was. Then, one of them was, from what he could tell, jumping over the back of the couch to immediately sit nearby. The other began walking around soon after, just as Pavo started talking, already cozying up to him and Aki.
-
“Hey Vinny, hey Kira. Bad day?”
-
Clef’s voice was subtlety softer than it usually was, and he could tell that Akeri was about to answer for him but honestly? That question was so much of an understatement that he found himself huffing out a laugh before they could. It was too choked to be a no to their question but it was also probably better than it could’ve been. Given how Tune gave a small, soft laugh after a second and shifted ever so slightly closer, she probably knew that too.
-
He moved around a bit too, trying to look over at them and ignore how little he wanted to see the worry. Because he wanted to see his smile, wanted them to know she could come closer without having to admit it out loud. The smile he was met with was soft, but still bright in that way that only Vega could ever seem to manage.
-
Polaris took a seat next to Tweet, and he moved to reach out his arm in the invitation he knew Starry was waiting for. He didn’t get far, given how they seemed to realize what he was doing and was quick to move close into his side. He let his arm wrap around her and shifted so his hand was being half-offered to Apus, who stared at it for a moment before glancing up at him, like he was double checking that it was okay before he made any move to grab it. He managed a small grin in response and watched as that seemed to be a good enough sign for Crescent to take his hand.
-
And, yeah, it still wasn’t a good day by any means. But he also knew it was better than it would’ve been before he’d met any of the four, even with the backtracking he’d been doing recently (and he didn’t even want to think about how bad the quickly approaching month he had always tried his damnedest to forget existed would be, though then again, he never did). So, for now, he just tried to take in how they all still seemed to want him around and let that keep him rooted down.