My dog got diagnosed with brain cancer late 2025. We are not treating as it would be unethical and my vet agrees with this. It sucks. It's frustrating. She is my soul dog and I hate every part of this.

I feel like a bad dog owner because I get so frustrated with her and sometimes don't want anything to do with her. She has some "quirks" due to the cancer and it frustrates me and on bad days, I'll put her in her kennel just to create some space. Almost like a time out for both of us. Luckily, she loves her crate but it still makes me feel like a bad dog owner. I'm not giving up on her. I'm just frustrated, annoyed, in denial, and grieving. I've accepted that the time for her to go could be anytime now but it still hurts.

As far as we can tell, she is comfortable pain wise. She is eating most of her food most days and is slowly gaining the weight she lost back. But there are so many up and downs. I feel like a bad dog owner when she has an accident in the house because somehow it must be my fault. I get frustrated when she won't eat or won't potty when taking her out. I can't take her into stores because she potties more often and it makes her depressed. She used to be my service dog so she gets down but I can't have her having accidents in stores even if they are pet friendly.

This all came down all of a sudden. She was healthy until she wasn't. I'm not going to vaccinate her this year. She has had reactions the last two years and I do not want to put her through that in her current state. The vet agrees. Her rabies will be good for another two years so her rabies shot will most likely outlive her.

I've already talked to the vet about cremation and how they go about it, cost, etc. It felt wrong to discuss those things as my very much alive dog is sitting next to me. The tech said she appreciated the fact that I was discussing those things and said it was okay to do that while she is still alive. That it is actually better that I am having this discussion before she has to be put down because then I won't have to worry about finances when it comes time and make decissions I'd rather not make due to finances. She said she sees it all the time with pet owners and that it makes it extremely difficult and stressful for both the owners and the vet staff. That it often means the pet stays around much longer than they should.

I don't know where I am going with this but it just hurts a lot. And I don't really have someone to really discuss about this as it's a whole "I have my opinion but won't tell you" kind of thing. Which is super frustrating. Just tell me. Stop sugarcoating it. I absolutely hate is whenever someone sugarcoats it. Be blunt. I'd rather have the cold hard truth no matter how painful it is than somone beating around the bush and trying to lay it on me softly. Don't say my dog might have something "scary". Say she might have the cancer, kidney failure, etc. I can take it. I might cry at first but I would rather hear that than sugarcoating.

Most of this probably doesn't make sense and I know it is very much out of order. But it's my feelings and thoughts as they come to my brain as I am sitting in my bed writing this out.